the brethren

mike has a great group of friends from high school. they refer to themselves as "the brethren." only a couple are still in logan and some are as far away as south dakota, but everyone was able to get together over the weekend for brats and burgers and catching up. it really is a wonder these boys all turned out so well when you listen to their stories from way back when: lighting things on fire, creating havoc at school, tipping over golf carts, etc... i guess it's a testament to their awesome wives :) actually, each of them does have a great better half who have also become my dear friends. it was 8 years ago when i first met them, and when emily gave me a brand new tooth brush and a place to sleep the first time i met her, i had an idea that we'd be friends for a long time.

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Favorite scripture read last week: "and we talk of christ, we rejoice in christ, we preach of christ, we prophesy of christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." -2 nephi 25:26

the last couple of weeks have been interesting in regards to persecution because of what i believe...so much anger and judgment and  misunderstanding. while we all have different beliefs and different ways of showing our convictions, i believe the root of christian doctrine is the same. jesus is the christ. he is the savior of our souls. it is in christ that we rejoice and in christ  that we find redemption.

the little exploder that could

driving down I-15 at 10 pm on the fourth of july is a great way to experience fireworks. we could see dozens of little shows going on from ogden to park city.

we made a quick trip to logan for the fourth. we had to pick up coco who had been enjoying the last week chasing chickens and ducks at my in-laws. along the way, we stopped to say hello to my grandpa and checked on our vacant house. the grass is dying. the annuals (or is it perennials?) i planted years ago are dying and overgrown with weeds, and the back yard? our neighbors sprayed the weeds for fear they would overtake their garden, which was probably a good idea. we've had the house under contract twice with no luck of selling it yet. this week we have shown it to two people who really liked it and received one way too low offer. we are crossing our fingers that we can sell it this year. pretty please let one of them buy it!

we also got to pick up my car which has been in the shop for the last month. the transmission went out a few weeks ago. who would have thought that the 95 explorer--broken doors, no speakers, rattling at 50 mph and now no a/c--would outlast my newer and supposedly "nicer" car? we have lovingly named it the little exploder that could.

it's been kind of fun living with just one car as we wait for the insurance company to find a transmission to fix mine. my favorite part is that mike and i have been driving to and from work together. i drop him off and every day he has some new comment to make fun of our situation. "just drop me off at the corner. i don't want my friends seeing you drop me off" and "can you take me early today? i really want to play with my friends before work." i'm glad that he laughs at us. i love that rather than complaining or stressing out about it, he chooses to laugh and joke and make light of the fact that i'm his chauffeur for a while. i don't mind being his chauffer, and luckily he doesn't mind too much, either.

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spiritual enlightenment for the day: "and he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. most gladly therefore will i rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of christ may rest upon me." [2 cor. 12:9]

in this great talk by brad wilcox, he states: "Jesus doesn’t make up the difference. Jesus makes all the difference. Grace is not about filling gaps. It is about filling us.

Grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher's touch."

breathe.

image on my pinterest here

i am breathing. and considering the hell we've been through the last few weeks, i don't care if it's the only thing i've done all day. yesterday our doctor asked if we're ready to try again. can he really be asking that? have the shots and appointments and blood draws and retrieval and fertilization and freezing and embryos and the heartbeat and the miscarriage already come and gone? he told me to take a deep breath. all i can do is keep breathing.

i'm trying to just let myself feel right now instead of pushing it all aside, and i feel like i let people down. i feel stupid for telling anyone about IVF and for telling a select few that it worked. i feel stupid for thinking it would work and at one point thinking there might be two babies cooking. i feel stupid for getting excited, making future plans, dreaming of names and a nursery. i feel sad and discouraged. i am bereft.

but in the moments of my deepest sorrow, i have also felt the most intense gratitude and humility. i am incredibly thankful that for 8 short weeks, i was pregnant. i was pregnant! i am thankful we heard a heartbeat; it's worth fighting for. i'm thankful we can keep fighting. i'm thankful for my husband. as cliche as it sounds, he's the reason i get out of bed each day. i'm thankful for our doctor and a wonderful staff of nurses who are rooting for us. it's refreshing to have a doctor who knows what we've been through, reads our chart, knows our names and cares as much as we do. i'm thankful for his optimism that using our "second string" of embryos, we can achieve a healthy pregnancy.

i'm also thankful to God for showing His hand through all of this and for inspiring so many to reach out to us through cards, notes, and flowers. i'm thankful He inspired my friend Taylee to send me these verses of scripture. while this has been a time to weep, a time to heal, and a time to break down, i know that God will build us up so we can laugh, dance, and feel peace again. He will make everything beautiful in His time.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8,11

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time.

eye hath not seen

if i had to sum up the october 2011 conference in one line, it would be this scripture:  Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. (1 Cor. 2:9)

what a powerful and encouraging verse! oh how i needed the words and testimonies that were born this weekend. it always puts life back in perspective to listen to the testimonies of the prophet and apostles of God and to know that it's all going to be ok. sure, life has hard and challenging moments, but we are blessed. God loves us, He is aware of us, and He has prepared great things for us.

a few other favorites from conference:
+where is your faith?
+look up!
+trust in the atonement
+the lord is my light, then why should i fear?
+wait upon the Lord. this includes to hope and to continue in patience until you are perfected
+answers to know the Lord's will come line upon line
+His answers will come- don't give up
+read the book of mormon
+the temple is the manner of happiness
+the best thing a father can give his daughter: love her mother
+the laws of God have not changed; He is our constant anchor
+pray. prayer is necessary to weather the storms of life.
+recognize, trust, and follow inspiration
+i believe in Christ, so come what may
+the things that are important to us are also important to God
+the holy ghost teaches us in an intimate and personal way
+the atonement compensates for any and all injustice and unfairness we experience
+be grateful for the tender mercies that come in the midst of suffering

i can say along with president monson that the gospel of Jesus Christ gives meaning, purpose, and hope to my life.

sunday notes

mike and i spoke in church on sunday. mike gave a beautiful talk about developing charity in the home, and i spoke about how simple acts of kindness can help us overcome personal afflictions. every other lesson seemed to tie back to having patience, love and charity in all things. i took lots of notes.

"no pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. it ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. all that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure in patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable." -orson f. whitney

2 Cor. 1:3-4: one reason for our suffering is to offer comfort to those around us. because the Savior has experienced everything and comforts us, we  must in turn comfort others.

"if we are thinking only of ourselves, we may miss some of the most powerful spiritual experiences and profound revelations of our lives. by becoming the answer to someone's prayer, we often find the answer to our own." -president uchtdorf

Moro. 7:45-47 lists the attributes of charity. 4 of the 13 attirubes relate to patience: suffereth long, beareth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things

reminded

i was reminded this thanksgiving in a very real way about what's most important to me and what i'm most grateful for. just after we finished our thanksgiving feast, my dad got a call that my grandma allen had passed away.

everything else about the holiday quickly became unimportant. two things mattered: my family and my loving savior, jesus christ, who designed families to last forever.

i am grateful we were all together as a family, and especially grateful that my sweet grandpa was with us, when we got the phone call. i am thankful to know that i will see my grandma again. i am thankful that she didn't suffer but passed away quietly and peacefully. i am thankful for the life she lived, for the children she raised, for the mother and wife she was. she has always been an example to me and especially recently, she has shown me what it means to happily endure to the end and make the most of your current situation. how lucky am i that she was part of my life for 24 years!

this is the first grandparent i've lost, and i will really, really miss her. i'll miss stopping at the nursing home to visit her. i'll miss her humor, her stubborn personality, her stories about packing up the kids and heading home to elko when their heat money ran out or when she just needed a hug from her mom, her to-do lists for my grandpa, and her sincere love and care for all those around her. i am sad that my kids will never know my grandma allen; she would have loved them. in the last few years, she often asked me where my kids were. hopefully she's hanging out with them right now and teaching them the important stuff, like how to knit, how to survive the cold cache valley winters, and how to make marriage last for 60 years. and i hope she'll give them a little encouragement and prodding to come here quickly!

i delight in hope

dr laura got me thinking the other day when she told a caller that hope is just delayed disappointment. i guess this could be true if we hope in certain situations or even certain people, but if we add "in christ" to the end of it, hope is anything but delayed disappointment.

elder faust said, "there are tremendous sources of hope beyond our own ability, learning, strength, and capacity. hope is the anchor of our souls. hope is trust in god's promises, faith that if we act now, the desired blessings will be fulfilled in the future."

god has promised that "whose believeth in [me] might with surety hope for a better world."

i love the promise from god that if we believe in him and his son, we can always hope for something better. wrongs will one day be made right, things will work out, and when we can't believe that or possibly see how, we must put our hope and trust in god. god's promises to us will be fulfilled.

Amid the vastness of God's creations, His personal shaping influence is felt in the details of our lives, not only in the details of the galaxies and molecules but, much more importantly, in the details of our own lives. Somehow God is providing individual tutorials for us...it is marvelous that He attends to us so personally.

-Elder Neal A. Maxwell

"Christ's Atonement elevates us on our best days and comforts and heals us on our worst days."

-David Vandagriff, I Need Thee Every Hour

i bought this book because it has a pretty cover. and because i love the title. it was a good thing i judged this book by its cover; it was incredible. i have marked and highlighted and flagged something on nearly every page of the book. some books on the Atonement feel so heavy and overwhelming. this book simply discusses our day-to-day difficulties and how the Atonement not only gets us through, but helps us become better. if you're looking for an uplifting read (or a mother's day gift), this book is a great choice.

a lovely thought

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

-Marianne Williamson

name them one by one...

"the man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life!"

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a few things i'm thankful for...

being thankful is really easy when things are going your way, right? it's easy to recognize our blessings when we feel so content that we couldn't possibly want another thing in life. however, when things aren't going the way we plan or hope or want, it can be challenging to notice the blessings we have and express gratitude for them. elder bednar gave a talk in general conference not too long ago and told a story about having a general authority visit his family when he was president at BYU idaho. a tragedy had recently happened in the community (don't remember exactly what it was) but the general authority counseled elder bednar's wife to offer a prayer to the lord where she only THANKED him for their blessings. have you ever tried to say a prayer where you only thanked the lord? i am guilty of praying most fervently when i'm asking him for something, not thanking him for all i have. so my goal for the rest of the month is to wake up and thank the lord for my many blessings. to pay more attention to his hand in my life and to express more gratitude to him for all he has done for me.

I've been so touched looking at other people's pictures and reading thoughts on our sweet prophet. What more can be said? His testimony has strenghtened mine so much and I feel blessed that I grew up in the church while he was the prophet. He not only spoke of optimism, he epitomized it. I can't think of any person who practiced what they preached more than the prophet did. I will always remember the way he shook his finger when he spoke, and the way he challenged us to stand a little taller. I am happy to know that he is with his wife again- we could all tell that a part of him died when she did.

"The most important work on earth"

Well let me just say that I have a new appreciation for missionaries, mothers who send off missionaries, girlfriends who send of missionaries, etc. . . It was so hard yesterday to hug Drew for the last time in 2 years. Even though I wouldn't want him doing anything else for the next 2 years, it was an emotional day and so hard to say good-bye. I was reading a talk by L. Tom Perry this morning from the last conference and thought of Drew. The first quote especially reminded me that Drew is going to love the people of Scotland and grow a lot from serving them. He is definetly a people person!

"Much of missionary work involves relating face-to-face with people, and unless you set the bar higher in the development of your social skills, you will find yourself underprepared."


"Please recognize that while your teaching as a missionary may be persuasive, only the Spirit converts."


"We remind you that where much is given, much is required. We issue the call again for all spiritually, physically, and emotionally qualified young men to come forth prepared to become missionaries in the Church of Jesus Christ. "